Ta Ta

To no one in particular,

Fact of the matter is my health is going steadily downhill and there is no cure. Even if I could get medicaid or ssi, which I have been denied endlessly (fu Indiana)  my life would still be an endless oddessy of pain. I'm in so much pain all the time now and it's only gonna get worse. Not just my mental health, which is bad enough. My spinal stenosis is getting worse and my so called doctors dumped me because I didn't subscribe to their religious bullshit, so now I can't get another doctor in this town. Red flag should have been when they had Creation magazine in their exam rooms. They invented false charges of “not taking my pain meds properly” insinuating that I was abusing them. The actuality was that I was not taking enough of them so the levels were low in my urine test. They claimed this broke my “drug contract” that I never signed and does not exist. I have all the paperwork to back this up, but no one will help me so I give up. I tired, in pain and just done. I'm also losing my hearing, which I really don't mind. Don't care what most people have to say anyhow. They tested me and found nothing physically wrong with my inner ear so they want me to have a cat scan. No thanks.  This is a different doctor by the way, not one of their associates.

I thought about taking the settlement from my car and traveling or just moving, but no matter where I go I'd still be there. 6 grand isn't enough to start over on even if I was healthy and I am not. I'm not sad, or afraid. I'm just tired and tired of fighting. I'm tired of fighting shitty doctors like Murphy, Miner and Meacham. I'm tired of this town where the people with money always win no matter what they do, legal or mostly illegal. When that sack of sawed off shit from the sheriffs dept. served me my papers for the forcloseure on my house he told me to “Open this door you little fucking bitch!” When Paul (my ex) was beating me up and I managed to get him locked outside the house and dialed the police, the dispatcher, a woman, asked me if this was his mailing address. I said yes and asked why, she said “then there's nothing we can do” and hung up on me. When I tried to buy a refrigerator I was told to “Come back and bring your husband.” I hate this fucking town with it's midevil mentality and status quo class system. I'm sorry I ever moved here and I blame Susie and Patty for conning us into this for their own self serving reasons. Gladys felt the same way. She hated Madison and felt that those two tricked her into moving here and always regretted it. She said they just need free babysitting and Patty sure as hell wasn't going to do it. A warning to all, Madison, Indiana may look all charming on the outside (tourist town) but it's wrotten to the core.

You are going to damn me because my life doesn't look the way you want it, and that's up to you. I can't make it easy for you. My problems would have been more acceptable as long as they weren't so inconvenient (embarrassing) for everyone else. That's just human nature. The health care system gives zero fucks about people like me with mental health issues. The state of Indiana is the worst place to come for any kind of help. Avoid at all costs.